Wednesday, 7th October 2009

Been struggling to complete all the tasks on hand but seems so impossible to do so. Pretty hard to put a 100% concentration too. Why? I also don't know why. I wish I know so that I can try to find solution to it. Even while typing this piece of post my brain is working else where. Thinking where I should find details or samples, thinking how and what to begin first. Too many things to get started.

Then phone was ringing. Prince Faegan having diarrhea. I need to go and get the lactose free milk powder for him. Then I need to go and buy the disposable diapers. Sure running out by now due to the diarrhea. Need to consult dad about Prince Faegan's situation of not wanting to sleep, keep on crying and diarrhea. So called supersticious believes which I always reluctant to seek the advice. Normally I will have to go through my mom.

Ok....tried to ring my mom but she din't pick up the phone. Oh where could she be... My stomach is aching now. I think I need to go to the loo. I guess my plan to go out and hunt for cosmetics have to be cancelled and I need to go and buy the diapers and milk powder first. The cosmetics hunt have to be delayed til tomorrow or friday perhaps.

Pen off...

Tuesday, 06th October 2009

I have failed to become a wife and also a mother. I don't know what is going on and where is my marriage heading. We quarrelled pretty badly last nite and I can see that he can't sleep the whole nite after our arguments. Seriously I don't know what should my next step be. Is it all really my mistakes? Is it all my fault and I'm the one who wants all these to happen? Do I really want this marriage to be ended and my two kids suffer from my doings?

I just don't know. I really don't know. I have no idea if what's the best solutions. Should I be hanging on the the relationship for the sake of my kids? Will they be able to grow up in a healthy family after this? So many questions in my head and all are without answers.

Oh Lord...please help me. Is it all merely my fault? Am I the one to be blame? Lord, what should my next step be?

I don't know if I'm the one "xiao chi" or he is. I do admit there are times I'm pretty calculative and take things personally and hard. More like easy felt being offended. But he is no better than I am. He's the same too. Will going seperate ways is the best option after this?

I felt like crying again. I don't know what I should do. I don't know to whom can I cry all these out. I need a shoulder to cry on. I need to cry out loud. It should be able to relief my heartache abit. I need a quiet place and a shoulder. Who can provide me all those? I desperately need one. Please, please anyone who reads it and can do so, let me know. I'm sick and tired of all these. Really sick and tired. I don't need anyone to support or side me. I just need an ear to listen, a body to hug and a place to release all this tears. I may be wrong. I may be the one who's doing all the mistakes. Therefore, I don't need anyone to side me. I just need to let go what's inside.

Ta...

Thursday, 01st October 2009

Hola! The weekend is approaching again. The weather outside is terrible. The haze is quite serious and you can even smell the smoke. Better stay indoors and drink plenty of plain water.

My immediate superior is not in for work since yesterday. Therefore I'm really taking my sweet time doing my things. Doing it at a very slow pace. Hahaha....

I'm desperately in need of holidays. I need to rest. Sleep and relax. Doing nothing more than that. Vacation at a beach resort is the most ideal getaway for me at the moment. Been struggling to pull through each and every moment of my life at the moment. No idea what and where goes wrong until I'm having a hard time on everything.

Time is ticking away in a slow mode too for me. Probably because I'm not doing anything at all. Taking for granted no bosses around. But when all are back to office, I guess I will go back busy and rush all my work. While blogging I was having a race in my pet society in the fb application. It's been awhile since I was playing around with the applications in the fb. I miss those times in MLSS whereby me and few colleagues chatting and playing with fb applications. Now we are seperated, going seperate ways and all those are left as memories.

I guess that's all for now. When I feel like blogging again I will blog again. My brain just not working at the moment....

Ta-Ta

Tuesday, 29th September 2009

I went to see the doctor last nite as my whole body was itching from head to toe. Another injection was given and the doctor change the medicine for me. Different from what I have taken before. Adviced me to stay far far away from seafood. Perhaps I should avoid eating outside and eat my own home cook meal which prepares by myself only. When I see the doctor I was suffering chest pain and gastric too. Even up to today still having it excepts for the itch.

Hardly can concentrate on my work as my whole body felt stiff and aching. My boss invites me to join them for breeze walking which could help increasing my metabolisme and for better health. She evens proposes that I take some health supplements which could help me with my situation now. So perhaps I should start some breeze walking or jogging after this since my office here have some nice jogging tracks. But first I must get myself a decent sport shoes and some pants for suitable for these activities. Should start some simple shopping later. LoL...

Babe suggest that since I have my own internet connection now, I should continue updating my blog which I delightedly told her I wrote a piece of blog yesterday. I know it is a good thing to drop a word or two as frequent as possible. It can help to relieves some stress and burden inside the brain as all the feelings, angers, stress and anything at all are being spills out.

Right now I'm aiming at a PSP 2000 on sale at Saberkas. Wondering if I should get it and how frequent will I be playing games with it. I'm afraid after I buy it will sleep at home or inside my handbag. No point of wasting money for that. I have a video/MP3 player, I have a MP3 player and also Xpress Music 5800. What other more should I own. I don't want to really be a gadget lady if I can't afford although I loves to pampers myself with all these gadgets rather than clothes, accessories and makeups.

Oh dear, I better get back to work since it's already 4.25pm. Continue soon.

ta-ta

Monday, 28th September 2009

Hola! Am back finally since my last post which was when I also can't remember. Finally I have my own internet connection which was connected at my own expenses. LoL. I subscribed to Celcom broadband and bought a new usb modem just to have the connection in office.

Right now I'm struggling trying to figure out how to continue my work. I do not know where and which to begin. Sigh...

Life is just the same. Never been better. I wonder how long I can maintain our relationship. I feel like giving up everything. But whenever I think of my kids, I just don't have the heart to do so. But how long can I survive like that for the sake of my kids.

I think I'm having some kind of illness from my allergies. I need to seek professional advices. It's not recovering at all despite me avoiding those foods which can cause me itch and also the medicines and injections I took for the past few months.

Guess that's all for now. Hopefully to have my site updated from time to time after this. I want to get back to work. I better be. So many things to be done.

Ta-Ta

Friday, 1st May 209

Hola! It's Labour Day today. Didn't do much today. Stayed home until just now in the evening I went out with my princess for a dinner with a bunch of ex-colleagues. We went for steambot at this Jalan Tun Razak. It's been awhile since I been there to eat. I brought my princess along to let her daddy has an easier evening taking care of my prince. I can't possibly bring my little prince there coz he's still young. Princess easier to bring. Abothen I can't really enjoy also coz my princess keep on bugging me to go home. I had to give up and leave around 8 something.

CTE, Dom, Tung, Leona, CC and Voon, thanks alot for the dinner. I don't want to think it as a farewell dinner though. Nice having you all as colleagues. Don't worry, we can still yam char. I think I can still find sometime to visit you guys for yam char session. Perhaps breakfast or lunch as long as you guys don't travel.

Van, if you are reading... Hahaha....I will find some Fridays to go and have lunch with you all ladies.

I'm kinda having butterflies in my stomach now thinking to report for duty on Monday. I have to start all over again. Meeting new people, making new friends and learning new tasks in a very much different environment. Further more, can be consider that place is a big organisation. So things will not be as easy as it seems. I've been brainwash couple of times already even way before I was being offered for the post. Guess I just have to prepare for the worse. Words from ex-colleagues, if I can pull through in MLSS and furthermore was there more than a year, I should be able to handle it. Nothing can be more worse than MLSS. Hahaha....I wonder how true is this statement.

As usual I'm blogging from my room on my bed while my prince and princess in their beauty sleep. Princess Faith slept on the way back just now. She's very tired coz she did not take her afternoon nap although was advice to do so.

Feeling kinda sleepy while typing and futhermore do not know what to spill. Still planning to visit a specialist soon. Maybe in June when there's extra budget. Right now this month is kinda tight due to much deduction of unpaid leave from MLSS. Oh well, what can I do since I was so eager to leave. Like Van used to say; Who ask you to resign?! Hahaha....Originally quoted from her.

I must say I will miss my ex-colleagues in MLSS but not all. Only certain people. I will miss all the mouth war also. Heard there might be one on Monday but I will not be able to see it with my own eyes. Planning to block certain incoming calls after this but I feel bad about it. I'm a good girl which no one seems to appreciate what I do. So I've got to be mean sometimes.

Gee...almost 11 already. I think I shall stop now. Perhaps will be back tomorrow. I might have another makan session tomorrow and hopefully can enjoy. Hoping to have lots of rest too since I'm still having nose block and fever. Would love to be fully recover before Monday so that I can be fresh and energetic to start a new war. Ta-ta...

Viernes, 17th Abril de 2009 (Friday, 17th April 2009)

Hola. Estoy detrás otra vez después de un rato. Tengo finalmente oferta mi carta de dimisión a la gerencia y haré una oferta a esta compañía adiós pronto. Porqué soy todavía que tiene dudas cuando he decidido ya irme aquí. Hice tomé la decisión incorrecta? No estoy seguro mismo. Todo lo que sé es que necesito un psychiatary pronto. Pienso que mi depresión está consiguiendo mucho peor que expexted. Puedo analizar y gritar cualquier segundo que quiera sin ninguna razón sólida. Soy apenas demasiado emocional? Pero nada me está haciendo hacer emocional. Estoy gritando a mi hija casi diaria. Puedo apenas levantar mi voz y mi genio puede apenas hacer saltar como eso. Apenas siento así que irrité y molesto con ella aunque cuando pienso detrás, qué ella lo hiciera no era nada que merecen ser grito en absoluto. Puede analizar donde está mi problema? Pity la tanto para hacer mi víctima. Sentía muy culpable para lo que lo hice. Hago. Lo estoy diciendo del mi corazón. Pero apenas no sé evitar para repetir el mismo error. Necesito ayuda profesional. Creo que hago realmente.

Seré marca como persona insana después eso? Bien, eso está para que descubra después de una visita al especialista. De todas formas, cómo estaba mi español? Bueno? Cualquier persona entiende?

*********************************************************

Hello. I am back again after awhile. I have finally tender my resignation letter to the management and shall bid this company goodbye soon. Why am I still having doubts when I have already decided to leave here. Did I made the wrong decision? I am not sure myself. All I know is that I need a psychiatary soon. I think my depression is getting much more worse than I expexted. I can break down and cry any second I want without any solid reason. Am I just too emotional? But nothing is causing me to become emotional. I am screaming to my daughter almost every day. I can just raise my voice and my temper can just blow up like that. I just feel so irritated and annoy with her although when I think back, what she did was nothing that deserve to be scream at all. Can analyse where my problem is? I pity her so much to become my victim. I felt very guilty for what I did. I do. I am saying it from the my heart. But I just do not know how to avoid to repeat the same mistake. I need professional help. I believe I really do.

Will I be mark as an insane person after that? Well, that is for me to find out after a visit to the specialist. Anyway, how was my spanish? Good? Anyone understand?

**********************************************************

Two languages in my current piece of writing. How is it? The one in Spanish has the direct translation in English. So both are the same piece of writing. I suddenly has the interest in Spanish. Don't know why. Anyway, I guess that's all for today. Will be back soon. Voy a KK pronto. So probably after my trip then I will update here. Ta-Ta

Wednesday, 1st April 2009

Sorry to be MIA for I do not know how long. Weeks I suppose. Anyway, life has never been better. It's just getting worse as far as I'm concern. My depression is back. I wish I know how to cure it. I do not want to see any specialist for it. Not for the moment as I believe I can solve it. I just need a very very long break from all my work and everything. Once the brain has been refreshed, I believe I will be back to normal.

Is that possible? I think it is possible and will work that way. I have a Mount Everest stack of documents in front of me and I do not know where and how to begin. And here I am writing my blog with my manager sitting behind me in his cubicle. Daring? I suppose.

I went for this so called written test last week and was wondering for days before that thinking what is this written test all about. It turns out to be 4 simple but tricky questions to answer. Pick and choose any 2 to answer in BM while another 2 in English in 1 hours time. Oh well, I completed in time and I heard I score 80++% for it. Not sure. Just some wind blow to my ears and tell me. Receive a call on Monday asking me when I can report for duty but as at now it has been quiet. For goodness sake, I need the confirmation letter to tender my love letter here. How long do I actually have to wait again this time? I have committed mentioning I can report in May but as at today I have yet receive the call. Time is clocking away and I don't have much time left. O Almighty Father, I need your help.

My back is aching. Damn painful. It reminds me so much of my labour pain some 7 months ago. I have problem moving around and sitting. All I need now is painkiller but I've forbidden myself to take any due to the reason it will stop my menses. For so long I've been waiting for my menses to have it's regular cycle again. Therefore, I take any risk.

I think I have to stop here. I just recalled I need to call the clinic to prepare my daughter's medicine but it will cost me money which I do not have any now. So I better don't. Ta...

This Is Me

I've always been a kind of girl
That hid my face
So afraid to tell the world
What I've got to say
But I have this dream right inside of me
I'm gonna let it show
It's time to let you know
To let you know

This is real, This is me
I'm exactly where I'm suppose to be now
Gonna let the light shine on me
Now I've found, who I am
There's no way to hold it in
No more hiding who I want to be
This is me

Do you know what it's like
To feel so in the dark
To dream about a life
Where you're the shining star
Even though it seems
Like it's too far away
I have to believe in myself
It's the only way

This is real, This is me
I'm exactly where I'm suppose to be now
Gonna let the light shine on me
Now I've found, who I am
There's no way to hold it in
No more hiding who I want to be
This is me

You're the voice I hear inside my head
The reason that I'm singing
I need to find you
I gotta find you
You're the missing piece I need
The song inside of me
I need to find you
I gotta find you

This is real, This is me
I'm exactly where I'm suppose to be now
Gonna let the light shine on me
Now I've found, who I am
There's no way to hold it in
No more hiding who I want to be

This is me
This is me
Yeah

You're the voice I hear inside my head
The reason that I'm singing

You're the missing piece I need
The song inside of me

Now I've found who I am
There's now way to hold it in
No more hiding who I want to be
This is me

Saturday, 14th March 2009

Hi everybody! I'm back again. I just got back to work this morning after being missing from work on Thursday and Friday. Not intentionally I mind you. I was too tired to rush back to work on Thursday after De Session and was not feeling well too. I did drop by the office for awhile to check mails and did some urgent tasks. Then I went back home to my family there. On Friday was supposed to go back to work but my Mother-In-Law injured herself that leaves me need to apply another emergency leave to take care Prince Faegan. But was glad too. Hahahaa....not being mean but at least I can rest.

Still have not recover although I have been hardworking enough to ensure I take my medicine. Anyway, as a feedback to Babe's comment previously, De Session was okay. There was more than 10 of them attending and I was the last one to end the meet up. LoL. And the people involve are like six to seven of them. Even the M***r was in there. Don't know for what reason but I can hear laughter from outside the room while waiting. When it was my turn, M***r was not there anymore. According to some sources, I'm getting it but still the most important is to receive the black and white document. Then for sure I know I'm accepted.

Advices receive in advance where not to get involve in any parties. Understood well in any companies regardless goverment or private, clans always exists. So this might be tough if we can to get work done coz people might not co-operate and in the end, I will suffer. But will it get any worse from what I'm experiencing now? I can't think of any better solution at the moment but just need to desperately leave M**S. Please forgive me my dear colleagues whoever do read my blog. No offence to anyone but some of you may know the difficulties I'm facing with certain people although you may think they are ok and nice to you. Some of you may think the problem is with me. I can't say you are wrong. Probably I was the one with the problem and maybe I should just leave the place so that the problem shall eliminates forever.

Whatever it is, I for sure are waiting for De Letter and shall see how to proceed from there. 'Til then, any news I shall shout it out loud in my Facebook and/or Blog. Have a nice weekend.

Monday, 02nd March 2009

I'm so so fatigue now. Both mentally and physically. Princess Faith is being rebellious and everything. Doesn't want to go to school this morning. So I had to rush and sent her over to the babysitter there. It was pretty late when I leave home and the road was jammed.

Back at the office, tons of works to do. Kennel shouting at me and blamming me. CTE instructing me to call who and who to follow up things. SE instructing me to prepare letters and fax to users. Blah, blah, blah.... The list doesn't end here.

I'm being so desperate to leave here and start something fresh and new. The environment here is making my health worse. Mentally and physically. It is too much for me to handle. I have no idea how long I can take all these pressures. Writing here reminding me I have a set of questions to answer which earlier was prepared by me. Stupid idiot Kennel. Last week say no need answer and now say he did say he need the answer. Why when I passed him the question he did not mentioned anything. Purposely setting a trap for me is it? Kns....

I think I better start preparing the answer before being query again. Sigh.... When will my nightmares end?

Saturday, 28th February 2009

Babs told me my blog was pretty quiet lately. Yes, I must admit it is true. I haven't drop in to write anything although my minds has lots of ideas to spill. Was planning to write something on the parade on Thursday evening. Even took some photos although not all the photos of the parade. Alas, but in the end I did not write anything.

Okay. Basically the parade is in conjunction of the Deity Tua Pek Kong's birthday. This parade only comes every 3 years. Long long time ago, it was like every 60 years once. I myself did not have the opportunity to watch the parade from the beginning til end. Reason was my Prince Faegan did not allows me too. So I spent most of the time inside the car. Anyway, it started quite late and ends about 10pm from the location I watched.

I took a afternoon off on Thursday as well and drop by TLS. Was supposed to meet Ms Ho but she took an emergency leave. So there I was meeting Ms Bong. The meet up was ok but feedbacks received made me thinking. Was my request too much? Somehow I thought I should be deserving it. Anyway, as at today neither Ms Ho or Mr Goh called. I guess I don't have to look forward for them to call me again. Giving up? Oh well. Perhaps so.

Basically, I seems desperate to start a new life. I'm so so looking forward to leave the place I am now. Being so dreaded to wake up every morning and move to that very location. I don't know why I just don't want to be there anymore. Because of that Kennel? Probably. Besides that, there are someone there who I just don't wan to see and work with. Not only Kennel alone. I need a new and fresh beginning and life. I need to earn more and support my family. I'm spending more than what I've earn. It may seem ridiculous to you but it's not. I do not know how to manage my financial the smart way. I have debts here and there. Hahaha....No I don't owe any Ah Longs. I only owe the banks.

Sigh....

I'm very fatigue now. There's a big pail of laundry need to be done. I'm having sleepless nights. It is either my Prince Faegan having troubles of sleeping else I will be waking up after having nightmares. Nightmares normally is on works. Either I take my jobs too seriously til my brain did not stop working eventhough I'm sleeping or I'm insane. Tell me which one I am.

I think I better get some sleep now. My body is really aching now. Ta-Ta. Sweet dreams people....

Tuesday, 17th February 2009

I received a sms this morning with some sort of good news although percentage of getting it is not 100%. The sms was something like this, "your post at **** confirm unless m**** interfere. 3 person agreed." How's that for a sms on a Tuesday morning?

Oh well, can't be too happy and putting a high hope on that. No matter what no black and white has been issued and receive by me. Suddenly I don't feel like going there. Before the submission I was like very eager and looking for people to recommend me. Even after the submission yesterday. Keep on calling and sms my husband to get people to recommend me. But after I get this sms this morning, I'm beginning to think twice. What if I really get it? How is it going to be there? Will I be able to on leave for my holidays? Will I be able to pick up my daughter on time? Lots and lots of questions flying through my head although there is no definite confirmation I will get it at the end.

I got works to do but I'm just so LAZY. Yes, you read that correctly. I'm LAZY. I'm taking my sweet time browsing blogs and sites. Playing Pet Society in my Facebook. That is what I've been doing since yesterday. Taking the opportunities of bosses not around and my superior travelling outstation.

I have urgent things to do. Certificates to prepare but I'm still writing my blog and reluctant to start. How come? I wish I know. Wait....I do know. I'm simply just LAZY.

Okay, my second superior is back so I better get started with my work before I'm given another warning. Probably come back later. Ta-Ta

Sunday, 15th February 2009

Well, I managed to complete filling in two forms last nite after blogging. Completed sticking photos to it this morning and attached the necessary documents.

Around noon time only I managed to get out from the house and deliver the documents. First intention was to deliver it to my aunt but she was not home. She asked me to pass it to my mom and she will picked it up later in the evening. I'm wondering now if she remember to pick it up. I need my aunt to help me with the submission.

Oh well. Whatever it is, I've already done what I'm suppose to do. I'll leave the rest to God to decide if my next path is heading that way. Not my worries anymore. He has it all written down. I'll need His guidiance to choose the correct path.

Right now as usual, my prince and princess are sleeping. Else I won't be able to online and blog. My tv is on and it was playing some ghost story. Wasn't paying much attention to the movie anyway. Logging in to my facebook as well. My Pet Society seems to be loading for ages. Until now still haven't finished loading. I think my pet is full of flies already. Tried to open it last night but it was under maintenance. I can see my msn chat window blinking as well. Chatting with someone whom I can't remember who he is in my friend list. Funny isn't it?

Tomorrow is Monday and I really hate it. I feel very dreaded to go back to office. Especially at the office I'm currently working at. Abothen, I've been there for almost two years. Just one more month to go to mark two years of employment there. I think I should be graduating from there and choose a new place to study. Hahahaha......two years is enough to gain knowledge there. Boring already. Should try a new environment and something new. Need something interesting and challenging in order to have a more interesting and meaningful life. Don't you agree? We human need some fresh and interesting stuff to push us moving forward. Else, we will lead a boring life with nothing challenging.

Life normally is full of ups and downs whether you like it or not. No matter happy or sad, we still have to go on with our lifes. So, if possible, choose to be happy everyday. Correct or not? But how many of us can do that? For me, I can't. I live in a very stressful life at the moment. Although I really do not like and want that kind of live. I can choose to be a happy and stress free. But I didn't. I choose to stay in that stress circle unwillingly to step out. I don't know why. I just don't know how to live my life. Only me myself can change the style of living and thinking. No one else. So when am I willing to do so? I have no answer to that. Mind enlighten me with that? Hahaha....Bet you can't.

Oh boy.... My notebook is running out of power and I'm lazy to plug in the AC. I better go. Come back tomorrow if possible since boss and my superior not in. But I still have another superior around. Sigh.... Tons of work to catch up before all the bosses are back later next week. Haiz....

Saturday, 14th February 2009

I'm back to blog on Valentines Day. Sitting in front of my notebook on my bed while my prince & princess having their beauty sleep at 7.48pm. LoL.

Basically today is just a normal Saturday to me. Nothing special although alot of couples out there enjoying their candle light dinner or any other special outings. Maybe my kids are still small therefore we cannot enjoy this day like any other couples. Give me a few years time and probably on 14th Feb I will be able to have a candle light dinner too. Hahaha....Next year V Day will be different as we chinese will be celebrating the 1st day of CNY on 14th Feb.... Will that day be more grand due to double celebration? I wonder. Well, just have to wait 'til next year to find out.

So, finally I transfer some photos out from my handphone. Going to post some up and hope it will be good. Here we go.......

This is my Princess Faith & Prince Faegan. Picture taken on 07th December 2008. Princess Faith remains very much the same until now but not Prince Faegan. Take a look at this one below....

So basically he is 5 months plus turning 6 months old end of February. Picture above not really the latest as it was taken last month after he had his hair cut. Right now he loves to rollover making me more difficult to take his picture. Anyway, I will try to snap some later. I can see the obvious changes from the photos I took since the day he was born. Seeing babies grow day by day and seeing the changes is really amazing. This is how great God's creation are.

I have forms to fill so I think I better start filling it before I run out of time. Dateline for submission is this coming Monday, 16th February 2009. Will try to update my blog soon. Ta-Ta

Saturday, 07th February 2009

Have you ever been so excited and wanted to try something so badly 'til you voice your decision to someone and somehow that very someone condemns your idea? It's like you are warm and happy then somebody just pour a bucket full of damn cold water over you. I'm telling you, it is something I was very disappointed last night. What's worse was the topic did not end right after that. It still follows up with a call after I reached home.

Am I really that bad? Am I really not that capable of trying something new? Is it my career only stays in the clerical and administration boundaries? I want to try something new. I really want to. A friend once told me, if you want to be successful in something whether you ever tried before or not, most important is to have confidence in yourself and what you do. For example, if you want to be successful in sales, you must have confidence in the products that you sell. Only then you will be able to present the best to the customer. I find it very true. If you keep on having negative thoughts and thinking you cannot do it, of course you will never success. You must be positive. Negative thinking will never bring a person far and will not be able to achieve something higher.

I'm so sad and confused right now. Part of me I really wanted to try something new. Part of me clouded by the negative advices of not to try. If I accept it, I will have to face my parents. There will sure be lots of lectures by them. I just don't understand. Why can't for once, just ONCE, they support what I do. Why they do not have the confidence in their daughter that she's capable of doing anything. In God's eye, nothing is impossible. I'm bringing that believe. Coz no matter how hard it is, somehow you will pull it through in the end with perseverance and confidence and hard work and the faith in HIM.

I need advice badly. I have to make a decision by 09th February 2009. And yes babe, it is your birthday. Happy Birthday, my dear Babe!!! ^^v

Oh Lord. I need an answer. Is that the path I should walk? I really need to know.

Wednesday, 04th February 2009

While I was chatting with my mother yesterday evening, suddenly she brought me a rather shocking news. The news somehow makes me more to believe that a person's life is rather unpredictable. She was a good girl in my point of view. Someone who has the same believe like me. But now, she seems to stray far away from God.

My mother told me she's now working as a GRO in a pub. She becomes a heavy smoker and drinker as a result from the place she's working at. I'm so disappointed. She always objected my brother to smoke but now she's smoking. Pretty irony, huh? I guess if she and my brother are still together, she won't be turning to someone else. She's completely different. Turning 180 degree (Thanks to Garry for correcting me.) to another person. Scary isn't it? A person you know becomes a stranger to you.

Oh well. That's life. Perhaps one day I will make a drastic change as well. Changes can be good or bad. For hers, is a bad change. I don't think her parents would approve her working in a pub. Her parents are businessman. I must say she comes from a middle-class family with good family background. I'm just so disappointed on how she turn out to be. I can't judge her. Only God can judge her but I just hope she would come back to the correct path. Hoping she would leave the world she's living now, realize the mistake she has made. Repentance.

I'm still giddy. I vomitted my breakfast less than half an hour I took it and now lunch I think almost want to come out again. Gee....

Life is so unpredictable.

Connected

I'm blind-folded on this carriage ride that they call life

Keep trying to make it through the next turn, knuckles white and holdin' tight

So here I go, taking the curve,

but I know that I'm never alone

I think of you, and how you never let me go.

I feel connected (connected), protected (protected),

it's like you're standing right with me all the time.

You hear me (you hear me), you're near me (you're near me),

and everything else is gonna be alright.

'Cause nothing can break this, nothing can break this, nothing can break this tie. Connected

It's not an accident, the time we spent apart

But now we're so close, I can always find you right here in my heart.

You've given me somethin' I need, and I don't ever want it to end.

Because of you, I know I've found my strength again.

I feel connected (connected), protected (protected),

it's like you're standing right with me all the time.

You hear me (you hear me), you're near me (you're near me),

and everything else is gonna be alright

'Cause nothing can break this, nothing can break this, nothing can break this tie. Connected

Everytime that I breathe, I can feel the energy.

Reachin' out, flowin' through, you to me and me to you.

wake or dream, walk or stand, you are everywhere I am.

Seperate souls, unified, touching at the speed of light.

I feel connected (connected), protected (protected),

it's like you're standing right with me all the time.

You hear me, you're near me, and everything else's gonna be alright. connected (connected), protected (protected),

it's like you're sitting right with me all the time.

You hear me, you're near me, and everything else's gonna be alright.

'Cause nothing can break this, nothing can break this, nothing can break this tie. connected, connected inside, connected, connected inside, connected

***********************************************************************************

I came across the song above while watching a cartoon with my daughter called Barbie & The Diamond Castle. The lyrics really caught my attention. Simple words used but meaningful. What do you think?

Best friend(s) are not easy to find. But there is one I know that will never turn his back on you or stab you from behind. That very person is God. He's always there for us. A great listener. A great protector. He has all the qualifications that you need in a friend. I'm not trying to be a hypocrite or what. I'm saying what I feel. God is just so amazing. He's more than what you can imagine He is. The miracles He can perform. The care, love and joy He can share. If you can find a friend that is truely a great true friend, then I must say you are one lucky person. Treasure the friendship that you own.

Halleluiah Praise The Lord!!!

Tuesday, 03rd February 2009

My oh my....The last time I drop by in here was like two weeks ago. LoL. How time flies by so quickly that you hardly can catch a glimpse on it. Let's see what I can recap back on what has happenned surrounding me.

Our company organised a lunch before the CNY. A love letter and a red packet from the management was received before CNY as well. Basically the love letter contains the information on bonus, increment, the 2009 target to achive, the 2008 performance, etc etc.... The comes the CNY. I can count with one hand only how many houses I have visited. It's true. Most of the time I was cruising on the road looking for places which has lion dance. Why? All because my Princess Faith loves to watch lion dance. So the daddy spent time cruising around places looking for any lion dance performance. I took a one whole week break for CNY and was back to report for duty yesterday.

Coming back to work is definitely not something to look forward to. I was so busy with my work and so many instructions and tasks given to me to perform. This is when my level of stress going up. And this morning I'm beginning to feel sick. Giddy and headache. Migrain starting too. I so hate this situation. I'm beginning to munch chocs. Everytime I'm stress, I cannot see any chocolates around. I will start eating. You just give me any amount of chocolate bars. I can finish it all up. I bought a chocolate bar just now. I can finished it in less than half an hour. Not that I'm hungry. Somehow I can just eat it.

I'm still thinking what is the next step I should take. Economy is not that good. Retrenchment, VSS and force leaves are almost everywhere. So, should I proceed with my plan to start something new or should I wait? Any suggestions anyone? Let me know what you think. LoL. As if there are people reading my blog and can give me comments.

There are so many things to do. I just don't know where to continue or rather where to begin already. Too tired to continue already. It is almost 4.00pm anyway. Very much looking forward to go home and eat. Hahaha..... I don't mind growing fat. I'm fat already. So why bothers if gaining more weight.

Basically that's all I can think off now. Wondering if I can take MC tomorrow. Desperately need some sleep and rest. Ta-Ta....

Tuesday, 20th January 2009

Is the market really that bad until companies delay the 13th month salaries to their staffs? Hmmm...I'm wondering what causes all the delays? With CNY round the corner, most employess are very much looking forward to received their bonus. I believes some already received while some haven't. Like me, I have yet to receive any news on it. My brother is expecting too from his company. Is it some kind of company policies not to issue the bonus earlier or could it be because of the poor economic situtation. Anyone knows?

Poor people like us who work and struggle hard to earn a living basically very much depends on this 13th month salary to celebrate the new year. With the late issuance it could only mean a last minute preparation due to no extra budget available. Hahahaha. How true is this, I wonder...

Didn't had the chance to drop a few lines on Sunday and Monday. Basically nothing much or rather interesting happens. Just that did a little bit of shopping. Shop for shoes only and brought Prince Faegan to see the doctor again. His cough is getting more worse. Tonight might bring him to see doctor as he has yet to recover and not getting any better as well. Poor fella. Only 4 months turning 5 months next week and is already having flu and cough. As for yesterday, was busy with work and my manager was back from travelling. Thus, difficulty to blog. Besides that, I have work to do as well.

At the moment I'm all alone in the office so I quickly take the opportunity to write something. Smart? Perhaps not that smart. I need to send my car to workshop before CNY but don't know when to send. The belting and bearings having problems and making an awful loud annoying noise. People can hear the sound outside but not me cause normally I switched on the radio very loud or listen to CDs with loud volumes. LoL. So got to get that done ASAP. Besides, it is dangerous as well. It might jammed the wheels suddenly while driving.

Still not looking forward to CNY. The mood is just not there. Wondering why. It's like 5 to 6 days more to CNY and basically I'm just not eager about it. I let my kids' dad to do all the necessary preparations. I will not interfere. Bad? Nah....He's the family man. The Head. So let him do it while I just take care of my kids. I won't be doing the cooking as well for the CNY eve dinner.

Still have not retrieve any photos out yet. Please please give me some time. I will get it done ASAP I hope. 'Til then, sayonara.

Saturday

I believe everyone always looking forward for Fridays and will go like TGF!!! Hahaha....It's true somehow. Friday do indicates weekends are coming and no working for like 2 days? Some companies do not open on Saturdays while some do.



As for me, I'm working on Saturdays alright but only for half a day. And I get 1 (One, Uno, Yat) Saturday off every month. Consider okay but weekends are always a boring and tiring one for me. I never say working is good but not even a single day I'm looking forward to. Some may ask why and some don't bother to know. Basically I'm so mentally and physically tired. With work, life, family, kids. There's nothing for me to look forward to. You may think I'm cruel but I don't know. Don't get me wrong. I love my kids. I do. They are the most precious gifts in my whole life that God has ever given to me. But the challenges and difficulties I'm going through are just so hard to bear. The burdens are just so damn heavy.

Anyway, CNY is just really round the corner. Next Saturday will be CNY eve's eve. Hahaha....Hopefully won't confuse anyone. I have yet done any preparation. Kids new clothes are done. Not my own. Only manage to get two pants and one T-Shirt. Planning to do some shopping later after work. Need to get myself a good pair of shoes. Kids' daddy need to shop for goodies for CNY. Hopefully a good weather so that it will be easier for us to move around.

I'm not a coffee drinker but perhaps I should start to be one. Reason? I hardly can open my eyes now. I'm so lack of sleep. Prince Faegan has been up most of the time due to cough and flu. Lots of mucus in throat causing him difficulty to sleep well and can't drink much milk. Poor fella. Hopefully the medicine given to him will cure him fast. Else I can see the chubby Prince Faegan losing weight and losing the chubbiness. Princess Faith not so good as well. Still having cough. Suspected she's the one spreading the germs / virus to her brother.

I have yet to transfer any photos out from my hp to post up. Will try to get it done soon I hope. Schedules kinda too pack. Would love to post up my kids photo here. Til then, sayonara...

Intro, Intro, & Intro~

I have the intention to write blogs ages ago but it just never started. Only today I took the initiative to register and to start writing blogs. Babe told me that she supports me and I must always update it. I hope I can keep up the rythm to blog.

Basically I think I will just blog anything that comes through my mind whether it's personal, family, works or anything that happens around me or whatever I see on the road in my day to day journeys.

So this will be the first post. Next post should come out real soon I hope. I can see I will face lots of challenge in writing blogs as I hardly can find any quiet time for myself and what more to say to blog. Even now while typing the phone rings.

Oh well. That's life. So 'til then, sayonara...