Friday, April 17, 2009

Viernes, 17th Abril de 2009 (Friday, 17th April 2009)

Hola. Estoy detrás otra vez después de un rato. Tengo finalmente oferta mi carta de dimisión a la gerencia y haré una oferta a esta compañía adiós pronto. Porqué soy todavía que tiene dudas cuando he decidido ya irme aquí. Hice tomé la decisión incorrecta? No estoy seguro mismo. Todo lo que sé es que necesito un psychiatary pronto. Pienso que mi depresión está consiguiendo mucho peor que expexted. Puedo analizar y gritar cualquier segundo que quiera sin ninguna razón sólida. Soy apenas demasiado emocional? Pero nada me está haciendo hacer emocional. Estoy gritando a mi hija casi diaria. Puedo apenas levantar mi voz y mi genio puede apenas hacer saltar como eso. Apenas siento así que irrité y molesto con ella aunque cuando pienso detrás, qué ella lo hiciera no era nada que merecen ser grito en absoluto. Puede analizar donde está mi problema? Pity la tanto para hacer mi víctima. Sentía muy culpable para lo que lo hice. Hago. Lo estoy diciendo del mi corazón. Pero apenas no sé evitar para repetir el mismo error. Necesito ayuda profesional. Creo que hago realmente.
Seré marca como persona insana después eso? Bien, eso está para que descubra después de una visita al especialista. De todas formas, cómo estaba mi español? Bueno? Cualquier persona entiende?
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Hello. I am back again after awhile. I have finally tender my resignation letter to the management and shall bid this company goodbye soon. Why am I still having doubts when I have already decided to leave here. Did I made the wrong decision? I am not sure myself. All I know is that I need a psychiatary soon. I think my depression is getting much more worse than I expexted. I can break down and cry any second I want without any solid reason. Am I just too emotional? But nothing is causing me to become emotional. I am screaming to my daughter almost every day. I can just raise my voice and my temper can just blow up like that. I just feel so irritated and annoy with her although when I think back, what she did was nothing that deserve to be scream at all. Can analyse where my problem is? I pity her so much to become my victim. I felt very guilty for what I did. I do. I am saying it from the my heart. But I just do not know how to avoid to repeat the same mistake. I need professional help. I believe I really do.
Will I be mark as an insane person after that? Well, that is for me to find out after a visit to the specialist. Anyway, how was my spanish? Good? Anyone understand?
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Two languages in my current piece of writing. How is it? The one in Spanish has the direct translation in English. So both are the same piece of writing. I suddenly has the interest in Spanish. Don't know why. Anyway, I guess that's all for today. Will be back soon. Voy a KK pronto. So probably after my trip then I will update here. Ta-Ta

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Wednesday, 1st April 2009

Sorry to be MIA for I do not know how long. Weeks I suppose. Anyway, life has never been better. It's just getting worse as far as I'm concern. My depression is back. I wish I know how to cure it. I do not want to see any specialist for it. Not for the moment as I believe I can solve it. I just need a very very long break from all my work and everything. Once the brain has been refreshed, I believe I will be back to normal.
Is that possible? I think it is possible and will work that way. I have a Mount Everest stack of documents in front of me and I do not know where and how to begin. And here I am writing my blog with my manager sitting behind me in his cubicle. Daring? I suppose.
I went for this so called written test last week and was wondering for days before that thinking what is this written test all about. It turns out to be 4 simple but tricky questions to answer. Pick and choose any 2 to answer in BM while another 2 in English in 1 hours time. Oh well, I completed in time and I heard I score 80++% for it. Not sure. Just some wind blow to my ears and tell me. Receive a call on Monday asking me when I can report for duty but as at now it has been quiet. For goodness sake, I need the confirmation letter to tender my love letter here. How long do I actually have to wait again this time? I have committed mentioning I can report in May but as at today I have yet receive the call. Time is clocking away and I don't have much time left. O Almighty Father, I need your help.
My back is aching. Damn painful. It reminds me so much of my labour pain some 7 months ago. I have problem moving around and sitting. All I need now is painkiller but I've forbidden myself to take any due to the reason it will stop my menses. For so long I've been waiting for my menses to have it's regular cycle again. Therefore, I take any risk.
I think I have to stop here. I just recalled I need to call the clinic to prepare my daughter's medicine but it will cost me money which I do not have any now. So I better don't. Ta...