Wednesday, 7th October 2009

Been struggling to complete all the tasks on hand but seems so impossible to do so. Pretty hard to put a 100% concentration too. Why? I also don't know why. I wish I know so that I can try to find solution to it. Even while typing this piece of post my brain is working else where. Thinking where I should find details or samples, thinking how and what to begin first. Too many things to get started.

Then phone was ringing. Prince Faegan having diarrhea. I need to go and get the lactose free milk powder for him. Then I need to go and buy the disposable diapers. Sure running out by now due to the diarrhea. Need to consult dad about Prince Faegan's situation of not wanting to sleep, keep on crying and diarrhea. So called supersticious believes which I always reluctant to seek the advice. Normally I will have to go through my mom.

Ok....tried to ring my mom but she din't pick up the phone. Oh where could she be... My stomach is aching now. I think I need to go to the loo. I guess my plan to go out and hunt for cosmetics have to be cancelled and I need to go and buy the diapers and milk powder first. The cosmetics hunt have to be delayed til tomorrow or friday perhaps.

Pen off...

Tuesday, 06th October 2009

I have failed to become a wife and also a mother. I don't know what is going on and where is my marriage heading. We quarrelled pretty badly last nite and I can see that he can't sleep the whole nite after our arguments. Seriously I don't know what should my next step be. Is it all really my mistakes? Is it all my fault and I'm the one who wants all these to happen? Do I really want this marriage to be ended and my two kids suffer from my doings?

I just don't know. I really don't know. I have no idea if what's the best solutions. Should I be hanging on the the relationship for the sake of my kids? Will they be able to grow up in a healthy family after this? So many questions in my head and all are without answers.

Oh Lord...please help me. Is it all merely my fault? Am I the one to be blame? Lord, what should my next step be?

I don't know if I'm the one "xiao chi" or he is. I do admit there are times I'm pretty calculative and take things personally and hard. More like easy felt being offended. But he is no better than I am. He's the same too. Will going seperate ways is the best option after this?

I felt like crying again. I don't know what I should do. I don't know to whom can I cry all these out. I need a shoulder to cry on. I need to cry out loud. It should be able to relief my heartache abit. I need a quiet place and a shoulder. Who can provide me all those? I desperately need one. Please, please anyone who reads it and can do so, let me know. I'm sick and tired of all these. Really sick and tired. I don't need anyone to support or side me. I just need an ear to listen, a body to hug and a place to release all this tears. I may be wrong. I may be the one who's doing all the mistakes. Therefore, I don't need anyone to side me. I just need to let go what's inside.

Ta...

Thursday, 01st October 2009

Hola! The weekend is approaching again. The weather outside is terrible. The haze is quite serious and you can even smell the smoke. Better stay indoors and drink plenty of plain water.

My immediate superior is not in for work since yesterday. Therefore I'm really taking my sweet time doing my things. Doing it at a very slow pace. Hahaha....

I'm desperately in need of holidays. I need to rest. Sleep and relax. Doing nothing more than that. Vacation at a beach resort is the most ideal getaway for me at the moment. Been struggling to pull through each and every moment of my life at the moment. No idea what and where goes wrong until I'm having a hard time on everything.

Time is ticking away in a slow mode too for me. Probably because I'm not doing anything at all. Taking for granted no bosses around. But when all are back to office, I guess I will go back busy and rush all my work. While blogging I was having a race in my pet society in the fb application. It's been awhile since I was playing around with the applications in the fb. I miss those times in MLSS whereby me and few colleagues chatting and playing with fb applications. Now we are seperated, going seperate ways and all those are left as memories.

I guess that's all for now. When I feel like blogging again I will blog again. My brain just not working at the moment....

Ta-Ta